Karaoke Go Home

Did I ever mention that I hate karaoke? Probably. Unlike other imported Japanese traditions such as sushi,video games and karate; I find 'karaoke' to be the most offensive, hideous and disturbing act to ever have been witnessed outside of Aucshwitz.

Let's focus on a typical British boozer; week after week, horrible blobby monsters line up for a chance to squawk and screech down a sticky microphone, handed to them by a filthy pervert, with the aim to 'party' and have a good time. Can somebody tell me; since when was making a complete c*ck of yourself 'having a good time'? Not only do you offend everybody in the pub with your desolate tones but you shout, spill drinks, become absurdly giddy and then end up taking over the entire pub! It's bloody well not on. We should abolish all public acts of karaoke if we are to move forward as a species. Oh, and just in case you didn't get the message, I HATE karaoke.

With all this in mind I can finally get to the point: what in God's colon is karaoke doing on the TV? (which I'm thinking of rebranding the Light Emitting Sh*t Box considering it contains so much sewage). Cowell's 'Cack Factor' seems to be on every channel in the universe. His gurning germanic head followed by an endless stream of clueless muppets making fools of themselves is utterly miserable and tedious. Please Mr Cowell, take your foul show off the LESB, it's cack and we don't like it. Or do we? Apparently we do.

According to some people this is high-class light entertainment, and considering the entire country tunes in every week, they must be right. This leaves only one explanation: It must be me; I must be missing the point. Could I be taking it all too seriously? Maybe I should lighten up and try to enjoy the show. Or, maybe I don't share the opinion that capitalising on, and taking advantage of delusional wanna-be celebrities in order to line certain people's pockets is 'entertaining'; in fact, I'd ague not only is it not 'entertaining' (unless you're a sadist) but that it's shameful and anyone who watches this plop should be ashamed for endorsing what the programme stands for. After all, if you didn't watch it, it wouldn't exist.

Now if that isn't TWO solid arguments for 'Cack Factor' to sling it's hook, I don't know what is. Cowell, I expect you to remove your turgid show from all LESB channels immediately or I shall tell the police of your criminality.