Who Smoked All The Fags?

Jelly 'two-fags' did.

As everyone knows; old wiggle butter loves to smoke. In fact his dependence on said drugs is so high that every 90 minutes (without exception) he must slumber into the lift, descend two floors down to the ground floor, and waddle outside to nail an eagerly anticipated 'puffy hell-dart' on the front steps of our building. Due to this terrifying sequence of events; he averages 5 breaks a day (seemingly always returning with 'snacks') not including his lunch hour.

But instead of merely whingeing and ranting on about this anomaly; allow me to 'attack' the subject with the vitriol it deserves by presenting you with a nice and simple (and realistic) Q&A round. Here goes:

Q. Does Jelly complain about how hard he works?
A. Yes.

Q. Does Jelly work hard?
A. No.

Q. Does Jelly do enough work or work hard enough to warrant 5 breaks per day?
A. No.

Q. Does Jelly's boss know he takes in excess of 3 hours worth of breaks per day?
A. No.

Q. Should Jelly's boss know?
A. Yes, but unfortunately observational incompetence gets in the way.

Q. Should I tell Jelly's boss?
A. Why would I? The more time Jelly spends away from the studio the better - plus the more hell-darts it puffs, the quicker it will die.

Q. Does Jelly really smoke two fags at a time?
A. Jelly usually chain smokes two, but has been known to puff on two fags simultaneously.

Q. Does Jelly's constant 'fagging-it' have a negative effect on the studio and it's staff?
A.. Yes, especially when a client with an appointment arrives to Jelly's empty desk. Phrases such as: 'extremely unprofessional' and 'but I've got an appointment with him' are frequently overheard.

Q. In your opinion, is Jelly a drug addict, especially when considering 'puffs'?
A. Yes, without a doubt.

Q. There are rumours that Jelly brings back 'snacks' every time he returns from one of his many breaks. Are they true?
A. Disturbingly, yes. Jelly's never-ending gorging, spitting and choking can be heard and seen from every corner of the room as he shovels down sweetie, pudding, pastie and loaf into it's ever-rotund bloated fudge barrel of a stomach.

Concluson: Jelly is a sugar-crazed drug addict who is unprofessional and skives an awful lot.