An Introduction
Let me tell you a story, that I was once told,
When I was a mere boy of 47 years old.
It's all about an old man, and his doings in hell,
But not forgetting the devil, the blood, the flesh and the smell.
That he did encounter, during his journey below,
And how his myth and prestige had started to grow.
But more darkly and demonic, this tale does state,
Of the more serious consequences lying at stake.
As to what could happen, to people sometimes,
That's more factual than any of the nursery rhymes.
So sit back and enjoy, this tale of dark deeds,
That's of power and flesh and devilish needs.
Old Frosty
Frosty had just finished, his last shift in work,
He was knackered and sweaty and his back and feet hurt.
He got in the house, and he said to the wife,
"It's the same every year, I'm sick of this life."
"Mining down the pits, for presents galore,
And when I get back home, my entire body's sore.
The pain outweighs the pay, I'm thinking of going solo,
And see if I can make a mint, selling presents down below."
"All the lost children, cast down by Christ our Lord,
Would appreciate the offer, at prices they can afford."
"Well, you do as you wish" said Frosty's wife Maureen
"But beware of the old Devil, he's devious, evil and mean."
So without further ado, old Frosty Santa went to hell,
With a big bag of toys, that he wanted to sell.
To the beastly girls and boys of ages past,
Who denounced mighty Christ, and thus were downcast.
He got in his truck, and blasted down into the earth,
And landed in hell, with a bash and a jerk.
He put his hat on and tossed his sack over his mound,
Before locking up his truck and looking around.
He gazed up and down at the walls of blood,
Thank goodness for the children, who'd been pure and good.
For this was no place, for any child to be,
Corpses and flesh as far as the eye could see.
He began his short journey, into the centre of Hades,
Whilst he puffed on his pipe, with a cough and a wheeze.
He was plodding down a path made of human flesh,
When up popped Satan in his old string vest.
"What the hell are you doing here, old fat man Frosty?"
"Get back Devil!" He knew this could be costly.
"I've not come here to bandy words with you, pleb!
I've come to make a living, selling presents to the dead"
"Stay out of my way Devil, and there'll be no trouble"
He whipped out his holy dagger, and cast a defensive frost bubble.
"Settle down fat man Frosty, I'm here to make a deal,
I'm out of human souls and could do with a good meal"
Could do with a good meal! The horrible git said,
He'd been chomping souls all day, and looked positively well fed.
"Old fat man Frosty; when you return to the Earth,
Collect me some children's souls and I'll pay you what they're worth."
Old Frosty frowned a bit, and looked down at his shoe
"I was told never to make deals with people like you."
"Oh come on now Frosty, I'll give you what you need,
A new truck, a new house, I've got an urgent want to feed"
Frosty turned his head and thought of the wonders on offer
"Don't tempt me Devil, I'm not interested, don't bother"
The Devil glowed red, and began to clench his fists,
This old fat git just hit the top of his shitlist.
"You stinking great bulk, why won't you make a damn deal!"
Frosty grabbed his holy dagger as the Devil began to reel.
"Come get some demon boy! I'll turn you to red marmalade!
I'll pierce your black heart here with this holy Jesus blade!"
The red devil exploded into a huge fiery dragon of hate,
Frosty stood back and smirked, all he had to do was wait.
"You dare challenge me, you cantankerous old berk,
I'm the devil of the underworld, In your nightmares I lurk"
"I've told you once now Devil, and this is the last time,
Get out of my face quicksharp, or your soul will be mine."
The Devil shrieked in anger, and lunged forth at Frosty's head,
Who quickly ducked out of the way, and carved a hole into the dragon's head.
An evil brain plopped out, as the dragon feel dead on the floor
"I don't think he'll be getting up, so he won't need this anymore,
I'll bung this brain up on eBay tonight, it will fetch an absolute fortune,
I'll polish it up with a bit of grease, and leave it up for auction."
He picked up the brain, and foolishly took a sniff,
His face went red, his nose then bled, by crikey it didn't half whiff.
He chucked it in his sack, and headed back to his truck,
It'd been quite some time, since he'd had such luck.
And so he travelled back up, to the world that we know,
With a brain in his bag, that had a evil red glow.
Back home to the battle axe, who'd cooked him some tea,
Peas pudding and cow heel, mashed turnips and gravy.
He told the wife all about his terrible event,
About the flesh, and blood, and how the Devil was hell-bent,
On making him a deal to steal children's souls,
And then to sell them to him, for his own demonic goals.
"Ooo, the evil old bugger" Old Maureen did quip,
As they both shared a night cap, and took their last sip.
And just before they tucked in for the rest of the night,
Cruel Frosty decided to give Maureen a fright.
So Old Frosty revealed…
a frost bitten and congealed…
Glowing red brain from out of his sack,
Which gave poor old Maureen a heart attack.
Let me tell you a story, that I was once told,
When I was a mere boy of 47 years old.
It's all about an old man, and his doings in hell,
But not forgetting the devil, the blood, the flesh and the smell.
That he did encounter, during his journey below,
And how his myth and prestige had started to grow.
But more darkly and demonic, this tale does state,
Of the more serious consequences lying at stake.
As to what could happen, to people sometimes,
That's more factual than any of the nursery rhymes.
So sit back and enjoy, this tale of dark deeds,
That's of power and flesh and devilish needs.
--------
Old Frosty
Frosty had just finished, his last shift in work,
He was knackered and sweaty and his back and feet hurt.
He got in the house, and he said to the wife,
"It's the same every year, I'm sick of this life."
"Mining down the pits, for presents galore,
And when I get back home, my entire body's sore.
The pain outweighs the pay, I'm thinking of going solo,
And see if I can make a mint, selling presents down below."
"All the lost children, cast down by Christ our Lord,
Would appreciate the offer, at prices they can afford."
"Well, you do as you wish" said Frosty's wife Maureen
"But beware of the old Devil, he's devious, evil and mean."
So without further ado, old Frosty Santa went to hell,
With a big bag of toys, that he wanted to sell.
To the beastly girls and boys of ages past,
Who denounced mighty Christ, and thus were downcast.
He got in his truck, and blasted down into the earth,
And landed in hell, with a bash and a jerk.
He put his hat on and tossed his sack over his mound,
Before locking up his truck and looking around.
He gazed up and down at the walls of blood,
Thank goodness for the children, who'd been pure and good.
For this was no place, for any child to be,
Corpses and flesh as far as the eye could see.
He began his short journey, into the centre of Hades,
Whilst he puffed on his pipe, with a cough and a wheeze.
He was plodding down a path made of human flesh,
When up popped Satan in his old string vest.
"What the hell are you doing here, old fat man Frosty?"
"Get back Devil!" He knew this could be costly.
"I've not come here to bandy words with you, pleb!
I've come to make a living, selling presents to the dead"
"Stay out of my way Devil, and there'll be no trouble"
He whipped out his holy dagger, and cast a defensive frost bubble.
"Settle down fat man Frosty, I'm here to make a deal,
I'm out of human souls and could do with a good meal"
Could do with a good meal! The horrible git said,
He'd been chomping souls all day, and looked positively well fed.
"Old fat man Frosty; when you return to the Earth,
Collect me some children's souls and I'll pay you what they're worth."
Old Frosty frowned a bit, and looked down at his shoe
"I was told never to make deals with people like you."
"Oh come on now Frosty, I'll give you what you need,
A new truck, a new house, I've got an urgent want to feed"
Frosty turned his head and thought of the wonders on offer
"Don't tempt me Devil, I'm not interested, don't bother"
The Devil glowed red, and began to clench his fists,
This old fat git just hit the top of his shitlist.
"You stinking great bulk, why won't you make a damn deal!"
Frosty grabbed his holy dagger as the Devil began to reel.
"Come get some demon boy! I'll turn you to red marmalade!
I'll pierce your black heart here with this holy Jesus blade!"
The red devil exploded into a huge fiery dragon of hate,
Frosty stood back and smirked, all he had to do was wait.
"You dare challenge me, you cantankerous old berk,
I'm the devil of the underworld, In your nightmares I lurk"
"I've told you once now Devil, and this is the last time,
Get out of my face quicksharp, or your soul will be mine."
The Devil shrieked in anger, and lunged forth at Frosty's head,
Who quickly ducked out of the way, and carved a hole into the dragon's head.
An evil brain plopped out, as the dragon feel dead on the floor
"I don't think he'll be getting up, so he won't need this anymore,
I'll bung this brain up on eBay tonight, it will fetch an absolute fortune,
I'll polish it up with a bit of grease, and leave it up for auction."
He picked up the brain, and foolishly took a sniff,
His face went red, his nose then bled, by crikey it didn't half whiff.
He chucked it in his sack, and headed back to his truck,
It'd been quite some time, since he'd had such luck.
And so he travelled back up, to the world that we know,
With a brain in his bag, that had a evil red glow.
Back home to the battle axe, who'd cooked him some tea,
Peas pudding and cow heel, mashed turnips and gravy.
He told the wife all about his terrible event,
About the flesh, and blood, and how the Devil was hell-bent,
On making him a deal to steal children's souls,
And then to sell them to him, for his own demonic goals.
"Ooo, the evil old bugger" Old Maureen did quip,
As they both shared a night cap, and took their last sip.
And just before they tucked in for the rest of the night,
Cruel Frosty decided to give Maureen a fright.
So Old Frosty revealed…
a frost bitten and congealed…
Glowing red brain from out of his sack,
Which gave poor old Maureen a heart attack.
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