Cabbage Patch Potato

Tulisa loves potatoes so much she's even based her head on one!  Months of plastic surgery, and loads of money, and you can achieve almost anything… even turning your head into the above 80s toy-travesty.

But to the real point; what is all the fuss about?  Why does everyone like her?  Does she do something wonderful that I'm not aware of?  Has she got some kind of immense talent I'm unacquainted with?  I doubt it.  I heard of a sex tape and apparently… she blows like moose.

I'm personally sick to death of seeing her swollen head on the front of every magazine and newspaper in the land.  Why?  What does she do?  I demand an answer you fucking numpties!  From what I can gather, she serves no purpose and this means it's time for her to be banished from view.  Dismissed from society.

But all negative comments aside, she did inspire me to write this little limerick.

It's dedicated to you Chewlisa Cabbage Contostavlos. All together now:

She's a podgy swarthy gypo,

A talentless trampy potato,

She can't sing,

And she can't dance,

and she looks like a ten dollar ho.

Sexiest woman alive?  Do me a favour.  I wouldn't even flick her a tenner… she's about as sexy as a pint of diseased bin juice.