Broken Records, Getting Upset & Plop in Slippers

Hey up folks, two things to talk about this time including how the angry Jellyfish gets annoyed at absolutely everything, no matter how inconsequential or meaningless (to the point where by it's own admission, it trembles and spits with anger and frustration) and secondly, Jelly's use of the same boring hypocritical and irritable phrases.

Firstly I'll tackle the later subject; auto-phrases. Never has a Jelly of such little wit and wisdom muttered the same, drab never-ending phrases to customers and staff. Despite announcing: "I'm the boss" to all and sundry on a regular basis, it rarely behaves like or carries out the job role of a boss or supervisor (never mind a studio manager). It is also important that you understand that Jelly LOVES the sound of it's own gurgling. Proof of this can be derived from the noisy gaseous-like emissions, usually spat in the face of customers, in which it frequently belches: "I don't know, I colour pictures in for a living" and "it's my opinion that counts", not forgetting "I'm not a typist". It's as if there's an answering machine with a seriously bad work ethic inside it's head. All questions can be answered with one of around five auto-statements; "You can fuck off I'm not doing that, please leave a message after your call."

Also, I've been recently keeping a log of 'The Fat One's' absences from the studio as it had become apparent that it disappears from the studio far too often. Ubiquitous excuses such as: "I'm going for a fag" or "I'm having a break, if they turn up tell them to wait until I get back" are spouted endlessly and are designed to somehow absolve it of it's responsibilities. Obviously, it doesn't.

Utterly ludicrous.

The 'Jelly's Break Log' I've been compiling over the past three weeks will prove that the above auto-phrases are amongst the most often used. (Disturbingly, calculations show that Jelly averages a mighty 29% worth of breaks in average 8 hour day, which if we recalculate in monetary terms it means he's being paid around £7000 per year for free).

But, probably the funniest and most cowardly of all it's ridiculous verbal regurgitation is the now infamous: 'I won't be bullied' catchphrase. This is usually shat out when a disagreement occurs with a customer or member of staff, even if it's just merely a difference of opinion voiced. (A particularly trite catchphrase considering Jelly's local reputation as a forceful dictator, opinionated bully and all-round gobshite). It's probably this auto-phrase above all others which highlights it's incompetence, piss-poor communication skills and reluctance to carry out it's job role. It seems Jelly uses it at every available opportunity for a variety of different purposes including avoiding work, deluded assertion, shouting down customers and staff or merely an excuse to shout and spit in the face of somebody.

Other mundane phrases such as 'the problem is of course' and 'for want of a better word' are less pompous but equality irritating. Below is a list of other more offensive quips from the wobbly one:

'Are you sitting down? I'm six foot five, I'm just not used to people looking over my shoulder'
'Shut the fuck up, you whining shit fuck'
'It's not my fault you're all dwarves'
'Useless shit fucks'
'If you got run over by a bus'

Now that this is finally off my chest we can move on to the anomaly as to why Jelly gets horribly annoyed and agitated at the drop of a hat. No discussion necessary; the answer is simple, it's a complete cunt with an inferiority complex. Probably down to being bummed by his Dad.