Global Warming

I've recently come up with a theory. Jelly's existence is causing global warming (or the politically correct 'climate change' if you prefer). Many tales relating to Jelly's constant gassy ejections are not nearly enough evidence to back this theory but when coupled with some other ideas you might see what I'm talking about. Allow me to explain.

I think scientists have got it wrong. Although I do believe that the Earth's north pole is melting into the ocean and the sea levels are rising, I don't believe it's solely due to CO2 emissions. My theory is based on mass, effect and gravity. Due to where the UK is positioned in the northern hemisphere it is fair to say that if the Earth became tilted on it's axis to then point the north pole towards the sun; the cause would had to of happened in the northern hemisphere - probably by an opposing force of a similar nature such as another gravitational pull.

Now you're thinking; yes, I follow you so far, I can see how this is possible but how can this happen?

It is now wise to consider Jelly's ever-expanding mass and recent development of a stronger gravitation field and it's effects on the planet. It is clear that Jelly's gravitational pull is weaker than that of the Earth's, however it appears that his gravitational pull in relation to the Earth's orbit is strong enough to alter the Earth's axis. Basically, the sun is now rectifying the newly uneven shape of the earth so that the 'lump' on the Earth is now pointing towards the sun - this has happend because of the conflicting gravitational fields of the Earth and Jelly.

Can Jelly be directly attributed to Hurricane Katrina?

Also, there can be no doubt that the recent bad weather can be attributed to the conflicting orbits of the Earth and Jelly around the sun. As Jelly grows in mass, it is beginning to effect the climate on an unprecedented level. In the same way the moon has an effect on the tidal patterns across the globe, Jelly's conflicting gravity is having an effect on the weather system. Couple all this with the noxious gas is constantly emits and the endless grazing on Earth's limited food supplies and you have a recipe for disaster. But worry not, help is here.

Not only have I observed this natural phenomenon for the past few years before making this ground-breaking announcement, but I've also devised a way to save our planet. Jelly must be blasted into space; anywhere as long as it's away from the Earth. There's already solid proof that the Atlantic ocean shares it's tidal pull with both Jelly and the moon so we must act quickly and efficiently before it's too late.

Please send donations of £2,000 or more to kid-hyphen@save_the_earth_from_jelly.co.uk