Nigel de Kong

Nige 'The Beast' de Jong, famed for his no nonsense approach, hard tackling and tenacious temperament had a cracking game at the weekend, which is more than can be said for the rest of the team. But there seems to be a lot of jibber jabber about a particular tackle this weekend.

Nobody likes to see a player injured, especially somebody as mentally disabled as Hatem Ben Arfa but in all fairness, he shouldn't have got in the way. What everybody doesn't seem to realise is that big Nige can easily be dealt with if you know how, and this is how:

Give him the ball

If you just pass the ball to him, he wont have to take it from you. He only wants the ball, he likes the ball, just play nice and give it to him… or suffer the consequences as 'Hatem' did.

Keep it up Nige, I can already smell Blackpool's bowels shifting up a gear.

Chili Sauce Haiku - Four

This sauce has well and truly blown my mind. Arguably more of a cooking ingredient than a sauce due to the intense heat; it's wonderful flavour would be lost if it wasn't used as a regular table sauce. Fuck me, this is super hot. Due to it's fiery nature it is taking a bit longer to finish off than expected but trust me, it'll all be gone soon.

After Death Sauce
It's power, bottled
Extreme taste followed by heat
And more and more heat

I'm starting to sweat
The pain lingers in my throat
And my eyes water

Fabulously good
But not for beginners, no
This is only for pros

Chili Sauce Haiku - Three

The surprising yet blessed zingy tones of 'Pure Death Sauce' pleasantly surprised me. I'd recommend this sauce to anyone who has a thing for carribean flavours as the fruityness of the habanero's used in this pulpy, bright orange nectar are pungent and deliciously soft. Stunning.

Pure Death Sauce
Orange bottled death
Flavours so incredible
My eyes watered

Chili Sauce Haiku - One

For those of you already familiar with Haiku (a form of Japanese poetry) I hope you enjoy this poem and the others that will follow. The first sauce I thought I'd tackle is the mighty 'Death Sauce' produced by 'Blair' in the states. It's tricky to get hold of and costs a fortune but let me tell you, it was mighty tasty!

Death Sauce
Death is just the start
Them delicious undertones
Of smashed garlic