Part One: This Week, I 'av Mostly Been Listen' To

The Saga Continues…

After just hearing that Big Nige is STILL being demonised for his crunching tackle on Ben Arfa (which might now supported with a ridiculous 5m compensation claim) and the call for Barry's head after last nights poor performance, I have no other choice to believe that this is no longer about the tackle, or De Kong or Barry or even about football itself, it is in fact yet another resurgence of the anti-City brigade bullshit which has plagued the club since Sheikh Mansour took over (who saved Barclay's Bank by the way).

Not only did Sheikh Mansour buy the club and vastly improve it to the delight of the fans (and the whole footballing community, remember?), but his money also revitalised an impoverished premiership with world-class signings such as Tevez, Kolarov, Barry, Toure, Robinho and… De Jong; non of which Chelsea nor the Rags or even Real Madrid could achieve nor afford, even though they all tried.

Considering the influx of money ploughed into Manchester City and our debt-ridden premiership during the worst recession in a million years, I think the man should be thanked. I know he's in it for the money but then so is everybody who runs a business. Unlike some club owners (as the Rags and Scousers will testify) at least he wants to do things properly and respectfully by investing long term - starting from the bottom and working his way up; keeping the soul and spirit of the club intact. In the long run this will generate lots of money for the area through tourism and sales from an ever growing fan base. The Sheikh and his masterplan has also pledged (with the cooperation of Manchester City Council) to help to redevelop the east side of Manchester by creating plenty of new jobs and services across the board - it's a win - win situation for everybody.

So in short, fuck all the jealous two-faced hypocrites who want to see City fail because their club's a heap of wank thats been driven into the floor with plummeting ticket sales, mismanagement and all round incompetence. If any of the witless anti-City shit stains (especially from the smaller clubs) had been through what the average City fan has, they'd think twice before jumping on the bandwagon with the fascist press and wish them all the best in conquering the Premiership.

Nigel de Kong

Nige 'The Beast' de Jong, famed for his no nonsense approach, hard tackling and tenacious temperament had a cracking game at the weekend, which is more than can be said for the rest of the team. But there seems to be a lot of jibber jabber about a particular tackle this weekend.

Nobody likes to see a player injured, especially somebody as mentally disabled as Hatem Ben Arfa but in all fairness, he shouldn't have got in the way. What everybody doesn't seem to realise is that big Nige can easily be dealt with if you know how, and this is how:

Give him the ball

If you just pass the ball to him, he wont have to take it from you. He only wants the ball, he likes the ball, just play nice and give it to him… or suffer the consequences as 'Hatem' did.

Keep it up Nige, I can already smell Blackpool's bowels shifting up a gear.

Wasted

With the government about to make a hideous amount of cuts right across the public sector, I can scarcely believe the content of this blog. It's no surprise cuts are vital when the waste that incompetent lackadaisical bastards create is frightening - as the pictures above prove.

Q. But what are the pictures Albert?

A . Ink my good people, £13.000 unbelievable Sterlings worth of wasted unusable ink.

Needless to say, due to the gross incompetence of Jelly; I've had to get on top of the situation and take charge to stop this ever happening again, and to stop the potential threat of having the department shut down.

What a mother fucking waste of money!

Am I not allowed to have an opinion?

Without giving the subject matter away, this is a snippet of a recent 'conversation' Jelly began:

"Oh, so it's only your opinion that counts, am I not allowed to have an opinion no?" Jelly squealed with anger, frothing at the mouth. I calmly replied, "In this case, of which I am well researched, I would consider my opinion more valid than yours as your knowledge, by your own admission, is lacking and is ill-informed. How can you have a valid opinion about something you know nothing about?"

Bubbling with rage Jelly spat; "So I'm not allowed an opinion!" I retorted, "Of course you are allowed an opinion, but don't expect me to change my view to agree with you just because you've voiced it, consider that I know more about the subject than you; it's simple logic that I don't agree with you". Boiling like an impatient kettle bobbing on the stove, Jelly spluttered, "So your opinion is more valid than mine? B*ll*cks, it's the complete opposite of logic..." sarcastically and triumphantly he continued to blabber incoherently. As I zoned out, he continued undeterred and blasted; "(blah blah)... so you're right! Nobody else is allowed an opinion... you're being an arse, as usual." Jelly started to gurn smugly as if it was winning a mind-battle with a 6 year old american delinquent with cerebral palsy.

For purely comedic reasons I continued, "I've already said everybody, including you, is allowed an opinion". I put my swimming goggles on and prepare for the spray of a thousand bovine bastards. He splattered, "Do you ever think you might be wrong, and somebody else might be right! You always think you're right, every time but you're not, you never listen to anybody else!" Struggling to keep a straight face I responded, "I do, I listen an awful lot (mainly to Jelly considering it's porcine-like mouth is always either eating or gassing)". He continued childishly, "No you don't, no you don't".

And on the rant went. As he continued I thought he might actually cry with exasperation (and explode; producing a wave of pig custard creating the world's first 'shower-trifle') but unfortunately this wasn't the case. Instead, the back of my computer monitor received the biggest man-produced biological spraying in recorded history as it was pelted with bacterial goo from Jelly's toothy cavern of noxious despair... the blast of hypocrisy and communism was so absurd, it became completely comical and slightly surreal (which is disappointingly common where the Jelly is concerned, as many will confirm).

To sum it all up. I think the Jelly's mind has finally collapsed under the pressure of it's own enormous, self-righteous ego. Let us hope that over Christmas it suffers an enormous stroke which renders it immobile and incapable of speech (let's be honest, it's already half way there). This will give us all the opportunity to shout our opinions into it's wobbly ears knowing it won't be able to reply or spit in our faces with it's usual bombastic, socialist bullsh*t. Sod waterboarding, his eyes will POP with rage when he realises no-one can hear him. Hilarious.

Assisted Suicide - Death By Dinner

Christmas is shit. Everyone who likes it should f*ck off to India or Ireland or some other backwater sh*thole and celebrate it with all the f*cking retards who worship the one with the thorny helmet. On the plus side, well... pictures say a million calories.